We live in a world where you can ask a robot to turn off your lights, have tacos delivered without pants, and floss your teeth with a Bluetooth-enabled gadget that probably costs more than your car payment. But not too long ago, humans were winging it with some of the weirdest "solutions" to basic problems you could imagine.
And I mean weird weird. Like “who hurt you?” weird.
Let’s take a little tour through time and look at some of the bizarre stuff people used before we got our act together. And by “got our act together,” I mean “stopped using corn cobs as toilet paper.” Yeah, you read that right.
Toilet Paper
Before: Corn cobs, seashells, old newspapers, hay, and even your hand if you were really having a bad day.
Now: Soft, quilted triple-ply angel fabric that costs half your paycheck.
Listen, I’ve had some desperate bathroom moments in my life, but at no point have I ever looked at a corn cob and thought, “Yeah, that’ll do.”
Toothpaste
Before: Crushed bones, oyster shells, charcoal, or straight-up urine. Because nothing says “minty fresh” like ammonia-soaked molars.
Now: Whitening, plaque-fighting, dentist-approved goo in 42 different flavors, including bubblegum and sadness.
People used to clean their teeth with burned hooves and call it a day. And here we are crying because our electric toothbrush didn’t sync with our app.
Deodorant
Before: A spritz of cologne, a handful of baking soda, or just… vibes.
Now: Roll-ons, sprays, crystals, and secret formulas developed in labs with names like "Arctic Avalanche."
Basically, if you lived in the 1700s, everyone smelled like wet wool and regret. Romance must’ve been magical back then.
Feminine Hygiene Products
Before: Rags, animal pelts, grass, and sometimes… just staying home and hoping no one noticed.
Now: Pads, tampons, cups, and more—all with packaging so discreet it looks like you’re buying a snack.
Mad respect to the women of history. Y’all were out here surviving with literal moss. And dudes were complaining about “tight collars.”
Alarm Clocks
Before: Roosters, church bells, and nosy neighbors. Or just not waking up.
Now: Smartphone alarms, smartwatches, and that one setting that sounds like a fire drill in a haunted house.
Honestly, I’d rather sleep through my job than get screamed at by a chicken at 5 a.m. every day.
The point is: humans have always found a way. It wasn’t always pretty. It wasn’t always sanitary. But it usually involved whatever was nearby and a complete lack of shame.
And that’s what makes history funny. It’s not just the big wars and ancient kings—it’s that some guy once brushed his teeth with crushed brick and thought, “Yep. Nailed it.”
You can listen to more of the history of everyday items on The Stupid History Minute—the most binge-able podcast on the planet.
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