Look, I try to be a reasonable guy. I pay my taxes, I return my shopping cart, and I even pretend to like asparagus once in a while. But every now and then, somebody wanders into my world with the confidence of a toddler wearing a Batman cape and announces, “The Earth is flat.”
And dude… I’ve got questions. Ten of them. Ten innocent questions that flat earthers cannot answer without pointing at a YouTube video posted by a guy named “AwakenedWarrior247.”
And honestly, that’s half the reason I wrote my book The Earth is NOT Flat: End of Story. Because at some point, you just have to put all this nonsense in one place and say, “Alright folks, let’s stop the madness.”
1. If the Earth is flat, why do different stars appear in different hemispheres?
How come I can’t see the Southern Cross from Jacksonville, but my buddy in Australia can see it just fine? Are stars playing favorites now?
2. Why do flight paths only make sense on a globe?
Seriously. Pull up a flat earth map and watch international flights look like a toddler drew them during a sugar crash.
3. Why does the Sun set behind the horizon instead of just fading away like a bad TikTok trend?
If it’s floating above us like a ceiling fan light bulb, why does it vanish? Did it get bored? Need a break?
4. What’s making perfectly round shadows during eclipses?
A frisbee? A dinner plate? Somebody’s poorly thrown hubcap?
5. Why do time zones exist?
You can’t have sunrise in New York while it’s already tomorrow in Tokyo unless the Earth is doing some serious rotation.
6. What’s pulling things “down”?
Flat earthers love saying “density” like it's a spell from Harry Potter. Density doesn’t even know what it’s supposed to be doing here.
7. Why do ships disappear bottom-first over the horizon?
Are boats shy? Are they trying to leave the party quietly? No — they’re going over a curve.
8. Why can’t we see Mount Everest from Florida on a clear day?
It's only the tallest thing on the planet. If the world were flat, I should be able to look past a couple Publix's and see it poking out over the horizon.
9. Why do satellites work?
GPS doesn’t run on good vibes and conspiracies. Something’s up there.
10. Why is every other planet round except us?
Mars is round. Jupiter is round. Even Pluto — which we can’t decide is a planet or a cosmic emotional support rock — is round. But Earth is… a big medieval dinner plate? Sure.
Look, believe what you want. But if you’re going to invite me into Flat Earth World, at least bring some answers with you. Until then, I’ll be standing over here on the globe, minding my own business, enjoying gravity doing its thing — and writing books to help the rest of us stay sane.
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